Peace I leave you. Great, where is it?

We live in a world where we want to kn

\w everything.  In the palm of my hand, I hold a minicomputer that can tell you the time, the temperature, and the daily news of somewhere around the world.  It can tell me what I should eat, when to eat it and I can order and have it brought to my house.  If I am sick, and no time for the Doctor, I can look that up too.  We have it all at our fingertips and within seconds. So if as a society we have all of this information bombarding us 24/7 365 days a year, why are we more anxious then ever before?  Why is the word “peace” some far off abstract idea.  This anxiety filled world isn’t picking favorites.  It is effecting the rich and the poor, the Christian and the nonchristian, and adults and children alike.  Yes, our children are feeling the effects of the anxiety of their parents, the media and the culture in which we have created.  There are more adolescent suicides, more anxiety medication given and to younger children then ever before.  It is alarming, the number of children who are being diagnosed with anxiety/depression disorders yearly.  Ironic, that we live in a society where we have almost anything at our fingertips, and yet the idea of peace doesn’t seem obtainable.  We say things, and by we I mean myself included, say things like I just want some peace tonight. Or my personal favorite saying, I can’t wait until_____ so I can have peace and quiet.  Fill in the blank with whatever you like.  It is something we are searching for on the daily, yet seems no where to be found.

   However, in John 14:27, Jesus is talking to the disciples and says this about the topic of peace:

   “Peace I leave with you ; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.”

Thank you Jesus, I mean seriously we are looking everywhere for peace and yet we have it at our fingertips daily, also.  It may not tell me what it is like on the other side of the world, but it tells who made the world.  It may not let me have food delivered to my house, but it gives me delieverance from overeating and overspending.  It has been here for thousands of years, and never changed……THE BIBLE.   I teach Sunday School and one saying we have everyday is ‘if it’s in the Bible it must be TRUE’.

   Phillipians 4:8-9 states ‘Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is praiseworthy or excellent, think about such things…….and the God of peace will be with you’.

  Did you know that only truth we can stand on in this world is the Word of God?  I do not think it is by accident that Paul put “true” firs thiseed to have in the palm of your hand.  Everything else is just distraction.  

      

Mother's Day....wake me up on Monday

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance," Ecclesiastes 3:4

      

1. Ages 5-18 the desire to one day be a mother begins to grow,

2. 18-30 the longing to be a mother takes over, 3. 30-38 the pain that I am less then because I am NOT develops, 

4. 39-40 still pain, but joy in seeing a life ministry begin to develop through the pain.  freedom?

    5. 40-....  See I thought each step of this process of "motherhood" was hard. Motherhood- that is a strange word for me to use, because simply I've never experienced true motherhood. At least not how I had envisioned and desired.
      I sit here 3 months after I started writing this blog, and perhaps even more confused, emotional and more raw then even Mother's Day this year itself had brought.  I've wrote other blogs, a few of them, particularly Being Momma JoDee  about my quest at motherhood, but this is different.
     As I opened my blog this morning, I saw 1-4 written and I see the word "Freedom" at the end.  I added the question mark this morning, because a period was originally was placed there. After the last week I don't feel that a period is the appropriate punctuation.  See the period would signify the end to something. Where a question mark, a comma,or even a rarely used semicolon would mean there is more to the story. I explore what Freedom looks like a little more, and I change the punctuation to say its not as simple as placing a period after the word Freedom, as I would come to find out in a real way the past three months, and in particular the past week.  I, also, added a #5 and now I continue the blog.  In my effort to connect to my reader, and to be true to God's story written throughout my life. I bring you into my living room this morning.  I ask you to grab a cup of coffee with me as we talk about the three month pause of this blog.
    In the few short weeks after I had started this blog, I had began to feel some back pain that would not let up no matter what I tried, and with it I was having some severe cramping in my lower left abdomen. I would begin to communicate with my doctors and trying find comfort. Yoga stretches, heating pads, Ibuprofen and muscle rubs were happening. I began to notice a few other symptoms in my body and knew something was really wrong. It was during a doctor's appointment in mid June, that indeed it was confirmed something was "not normal, and needed additional testing".   I then began a series of tests over the next 6 weeks where we found out there was "a unknown mass of noticeable size in my lower left pelvic region.  Well, as you can imagine there are a lot of alarming words in that the sentence! A lot!
     Six exhausting long weeks later we found ourselves sitting at the doctors office, and confirming that although this mass shows no sign of malignancy, it is moderate in size, has been growing and needs to come out.  Then I hear these words from my doctor "You're 40, and don't plan on having children do you?" Followed up by "The best course of action, is to have a complete hysterectomy".  A what, complete hysterectomy....that sure puts a period, where I had not placed one. No we were not planning to ever have children, but see the word Complete and Hysterectomy caused me to come back this morning and put a question mark, where I had previously put a period.  The little box where I had so nicely placed that little sliver of hope-that just maybe somehow in the depths of God's box of miracles, He would make it so I gave birth to a baby.- I had hidden that little box of hope deep down in the depth of my soul and I didn't share it with anyone. It was mine to hold onto, and now my doctor was telling me I had to hand it over.  Am I ready?  I don't know. However, I do know there is a time for everything; and now is a time of mourning, as I hand the box over. Not to my doctor, but to the true HEALER God.  I give Him even more of my soul, not crushed dreams, but more pieces that allow Him to begin to replace my question mark with His period.  I know that He is the author of this story of my life.
    So here we sit this morning, I will finish this blog from three months ago, with this final thought. As I look up and notice the title Mother's Day...wake me up on Monday and think about the Resurrection Story of Jesus and what Monday would have looked liked for the disciples.  Monday they told people of their encounter with the Resurrected Lord.  It is also the same of David in Psalm 30, and I especially love how the message version captures the emotions of David and so I simply echo:
       Psalm 30:1 "I give you all the credit, God"
       Psalm 30: 2 "God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together",
       Then Finally, Pslam 30:11-12 "You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance: You
        ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst with
        song; I can't keep quiet about you; God,my God, I can't thank you enough."

Finding comfort in a scary ride

     "Be Strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

     I remember visiting Walt Disney World as a child about 5 years old with my family and being scared to ride Haunted Mansion.  My dad was a big man 6'5 and around 350 at the time and as most dads he said "Yod, it will be okay I'm here and we will go thru it together".  It was a hot early August summer day, so waiting in line to ride something that was not my IDEA did not seem pleasant.  Though I can't remember I can probably guarantee there was some whining and pleading for my dad to sit this one out with me.  He, of course, knew one fact that I did not-the ride is a few brief minutes of glorious air conditioning that will be a welcomed relief to the 90% humidity air we were standing in.   Anyhow, for those who haven't been on the ride let me set the stage to why this memory is forever etched in my mind.  As the ride ushers lead you onto the attraction it begins with stuffing what seems like 25 plus people into a small circular room with no escape.  To a scared 5 year old this is nothing less than terrifying, then the unspeakable happens the lights go out.  Well as any little girl would do I grab the strong hand of what I believe is my dad and hold on ever so tightly for the 5 seconds of darkness that I am sure will never end to escape..  As the lights come on I gaze up to look in the eyes of my comforting father to discover IT IS NOT MY DAD!  The panic that is already consuming me comes out in a scream and many many tears.  In the noise and confusion of the mob leaving the holding area to await the actual ride, I hear in a calm deep voice "Yod, it's okay I am here, I got you".  Followed by my daddy's hand coming along to hold me close and comfort me as we walked together to finish the scary journey. Now I don't remember the rest of the ride, or much of the rest of the day.  However, now some 35 years later I can hear and remember that moment as it forever etched in my mind.
   
     Some may have noticed that I have been quiet on here the last two months, well God has had us on a scary journey, in a mob filled no escape in sight room and darkness came.  I found myself being like that scared 5 year old searching for a calming hand, and struck overwhelmed in fear, but as I am hearing the voice of my Heavenly Daddy calling me quietly to Him as he says, "My beloved JoDee, I'm here and not going anywhere." If you haven't read the previous posts especially "Drumroll please" then God has called me into full time ministry (My grown-up Disney World) this past year.  Over the past few months especially we seem to be in line for a ride (health issues) that honestly I didn't want to go on.  The whole time God has shown me we aren't alone on this journey. Lots of people are on the same ride, and I am sure some of them just like me are scared and not sure what they will face .  Others like my dad have been on this ride, or one similar, and they know that although it is dark, and scary it doesn't overcome us and will end.  In fact, there are even some positives unique to this attraction.  God has placed people all around us to encourage us, comfort us and walk beside us, just like my brothers and parents some 35 years ago.

    So if like me you find yourself in the all consuming darkness and you are trying to reach out to whatever is in reach. Please know you are not out of God's reach. Even if the light shines to show us that we be holding the hand of someone/something that is an impostor. Sometimes in the darkness it is hard to distinguish what is the hand of God, or the hand of man.  The light always comes to display the truth.  I've been reaching the past month to find a comfort-mostly holding onto myself and my own strength.  The last week it is like the light has been switched on and the truth(God's word) has reviled that I have to anchor into.  However just like my own daddy, He was always there and more importantly I was never out of his sight.  He always knew exactly where I was and knew what was coming.   It takes listening-even in the midst of the mob that surrounds us- for the voice of our Father.

     Now, just like that room it was only the beginning of the ride, in fact, the actual ride hadn't really started.  I know that this journey is only beginning and what will come only God knows.  I am sure there will be moments that are scary and I will have to hide in the embrace of of my Dad.  However, I am comforted because I know He is holding my hand and walking with us.  Leading into the "seat of the ride" where he is sitting right between my husband and I.  If  you have rode a roller coaster with a child you know you hold on just as tight to them as they do to you.  I can picture God seated right in the middle holding onto the both of us.  There is good that will come of this ride, and it this is  only one of many rides that we will go on.  This ride(trial) doesn't define us, it is merely part of the trip.  However, it is one that I'm sure will stand out, perhaps so that when someone else finds themselves in line apprehensive and crying because the unknown is too scary-I can join them for comfort and encouragement.

Rescue-a two person action

Psalms 34:22 (NIV) "The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned."

     In working with kids I've noticed that they love the idea of superheros or rescuers.  Little girls love the idea of prince charming who wakes up sleeping beauty, or the little boy who pretends Superman is flying in to save the day.  The idea behind both thoughts remain the same- someone is hurt/in trouble and some perfect/superhuman creature comes in to rescue them from the hand of the evil one.  Is this not also what we long for as adults?  Someone/something that will save us from reality?  The pain of a disease, a broken relationship, financial ruin, we all have a created longing inside of us to be rescued.  From my observations the difference is children will admit they need rescued, but adults have a harder time showing weakness. We live in a society where we are the master of our destiny.  Where independence and strength is worshiped.  However, just like Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:10 "For when I am weak, then I am strong." is where perfect strength lies.

   So, to be completely honest, I have been working on this blog for two weeks.  Honestly!!  It's a lesson that hits home for me.  I felt like I couldn't write on it because I find myself needing rescued.  I am struggling with needing to be rescued and getting weary in the process. The world has been screaming at me to take care of life's mess myself-enough is enough. However, the word of God says that I must love the Lord with all my mind, my heart and soul. It means relinquishing control-which face it I never really had anyway.   The difficulty lies in the place we find ourselves in during the rescue.  Let us revisit those childhood moments of rescuing from above.  Sleeping beauty found herself completely overtaken by the hand of the evil one. Superman never has to rescue the strong, or able bodied.  No it is always the weak or those who are being overcome by someone/something bigger then them that need rescued, and that is what connects all of us to those stories.

     I have been trying to read a Psalm everyday and a common theme among the Psalms is struggle verses hope.  Each one is filled with this idea that life is closing in but they will remain in the Lord and have hope.  The verse referenced above states that as we take refuge in Him; he will rescue us.  Its a relationship and a promise of Love.  Its a vow just like given during a marriage ceremony that no matter what life throws at you, God who is our bridegroom, vows to rescue us and be with us.  The comfort that I am not alone as I read Psalms is the very comfort I hope this particular blog brings someone. David didn't hide his emotion or his fear but he never ended a Psalm without first pointing upward to God who is our Hope and our Salvation.   See I am not meant to save the world or myself, I am merely meant to point people to the one that does save.

Silent Saturday

     John 20:19 (NIV) "When the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders Jesus came and stood among them and said 'Peace be with you!'".

   This is really the only indication of what we know of what that time period between Crucifixion and Resurrection was like for those that had witnessed the Crucifixion of Jesus and loved him.  This year the thought of Saturday the day of Holy week that doesn't really have a name, or a "purpose".  We recognize Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and obviously Resurrection Sunday.  However, what about Saturday, what would we name Saturday?  I think I would name it Silent Saturday and perhaps the disciples would agree with me.  The commotion of  the week was "over", Jesus had said "It is finished" and He died.  Now what?  What was all of his teachings to mean?  How would He come back or conquer death?  The tomb was sealed and he was laying in there.  The Bible is very silent about what took place on Saturday.  We know about the death and the burial, and we know what happened on the Resurrection Day; but that time in between nothing.

     One thing I know from my personal life is sometimes God is silent.  In the silence is where fear comes as we see with the verse from John.  It is also the time when we have to draw close to those truths in which we know.  I wonder what the disciples were doing in that room as they sat in fear?  I can imagine they were reliving every conversation they had with Jesus.  I imagine the fear was heavy on their hearts.  I find myself very much in the middle of a Silent Saturday.  This week has been very emotional in our house.  On Wednesday evening my husband was admitted back into the hospital.  Thursday led to a lot of emotions as we found out infection had entered his foot and we were facing a necessary surgery on Friday.  He would either have a partial foot amputation or a below the knee amputation making him a double amputee.  We didn't know for sure what the right answer was and either way it was the fourth surgery he would be having in a 6 month period.  It brought us right back to where we were last fall as he battled infection in the other foot that would lead him to a below the knee amputation in October. We signed consents for both surgeries and we mauled over what would happen the following day. Then Friday came and after talking with the surgeon agreed that he would end up removing a 1/3 of his foot.  I was able to attend the last few minutes of Good Friday service at my church after the surgery and people would encourage me with "Sunday's coming".

      We live in hope, because we know the rest of the story.  However, the disciples they didn't know the whole story.  So they weren't sitting in the room saying don't worry Sunday's coming. Now I do believe they had 'hope' that what Jesus had taught them was true and he would come again.  However, they didn't know what that meant.   I have thought about that a lot the past 24 hours.  I know that God is working all things out for our good, according to his purpose, like the Bible promises.  I have the Bible to hold onto the promises, just like the disciples had all the teachings of Jesus.  But what we don't have and what they didn't have was when it would be fulfilled.  What exactly the details were.  I know my husband and I will be okay and we will adapt.  However, right now we find ourselves sitting in a hospital in fear that infection will come and he could lose his leg.  So this year I have found great comfort that even Jesus had to spend a day in "the tomb" and the disciples spent the day in a room, all in silence.

      My favorite part of the verse from above is how Jesus greeted them when he arrived in the room. "Peace be with you", and then gives them the Holy Spirit and sends them out, according to John 20:21-23.  I am grateful to know that Sunday's coming and that this is only a temporal.  I rest in the assurance that one day we will be made whole, and my husband will enter the gates of Heaven with a new complete body as he dances before our Lord on the streets of Gold.  Yes sometimes you will have to go through a silent Saturday and we may want to cower in fear of what the world will do.  However, we must remember we were given the Holy Spirit-the one that will never leave us.  We can live in the hope of what will come.  Yes it's hard, and we may not know the steps but we know the One that directs them.  We have the Bible to go to for truth and I believe there is power in committing scripture to memory for those silent moments.  I think there is importance in the pause, the silence between Crucifixion and Resurrection. It makes us hold onto what we know to be true and have faith that Sunday's coming.

What mountains need moved?

He replied "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain. 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 NIV

  As I was reading this passage from the gospel of Matthew, I thought how the story was one that could happen in this day, some 2000 years later.  In this instance, a gentleman went to the disciples and asked them to heal his son.  They were not able to, so he went to Jesus personally and received the healing. The disciples then went to Jesus and asked 'Why they couldn't do it'? The response was this verse from above, they had lacked faith.  What?  The disciples who were ones that were walking and doing ministry with Jesus day in and day out considered of "little faith.  How much more would the modern church then be?

    This is actually one of my favorite verses and the thought that it just takes a mustard seed of faith to move a mountain.  Faith is a topic that I absolutely love, and is essential in our life as believer.   

     Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) "and without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

   First off, the writer of Hebrews uses the word impossible- which means no other way. Faith is what God desires and requires from us.  The disciples had the power to help the man, but what they didn't have was the faith to do it.  Or perhaps more importantly doubted God could use them.  What are we doubting in our faith? Or more importantly, what are we missing out on because we don't have enough faith?  God doesn't say we need mountain size faith to move a mustard seed, in fact he says just the opposite; the faith of a mustard seed to move a mountain. I know in my life right now I feel like I am living by faith alone.  While on one instance it is the scariest place to be because it means no control over certain things-or should I say the giving up of false security. On the other hand it means a peace from having dependence on God.  It also means the ability to have those that are "watching" us right now see that God is constantly working.  Everyday we are being blessed by food from a friend, a check in the mail we didn't know was coming or even today the offer of bed for our spare bedroom.  That has all been in the last week.  Yes there are problems that I don't know the answer to and honestly bills that I don't know how they get paid. However, I know that God is constantly at work in our lives and since we made the decision to follow Him on this path of ministry we haven't drowned or been overtaken.  I was asked today if I was ready to "lose" it all and the answer is YES!

  

   Matthew 16:25(NIV) "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

Just today, as the mountains seem to be huge around us and we were beginning to feel closed in, we found ourselves praying that they would be moved and He would guide our steps.  What mountains are in your path?  What is an area that needs "moved"?  More importantly where are you placing your faith?  In a God who longs to rescue you? Or in false sense of security the world is throwing at your feet?

Daily Manna vs. Storehouses

Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough food for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions."  Exodus 16:4

     The Lord said this to Moses in response to the Israelites complaint that here they were starving in the desert but had all they wanted while slaves in Egypt.  Wow, I read this and think how much are we like the Israelites focused on our "suffering" rather than counting the blessing of being free from bondage to the world.  This was the Lord that had just freed them from Pharaoh and parted the Red Sea so they could cross to safety.  Yet, like a child, they are complaining because its hard and not what they had expected.  So many times when we turn to a life of "following God" and times when it gets hard, we hear that voice saying "It was better when______".  You can fill in the blank with whatever you want.  We all have the thing in our life we were a slave to whether money, a relationship, success, drugs/alcohol.  It doesn't matter what it is, what matters is how easily our response is to complain and focus on the problem.  We have to learn to be a community that focuses on the ONE who is in the problem solving/freedom giving business.

     Now, the second part of that verse I honestly almost left off, as it is the part we don't want to read..."in this way I will test them to see if they follow my instructions".  I personally don't like tests very much nor do i feel they are needed.  However, think about when you were in math class and took a chapter test.  You took chapter one test so the teacher knew if you were ready for chapter two and so forth. He was testing their faith to see if they were ready for the next step in life.  If they would have enough faith to take only the manna they needed for that day, it meant they had the faith to endure the journey to the promise land. They were learning daily dependence on God to meet their needs. It is just like a child learning to jump into a pool.  The first time they sit and kind of slide off into your hands. Then they stand up and want caught before they go under, eventually understanding the parent isn't going to let them drown.  God just wanted to test the Israelites faith, teaching them to have a relationship with Him in which He would provide all their needs. If God calls you to it He will get you through it!

     

      "Give us this day our daily bread".  Matthew 6:11

This same concept is one Jesus taught while instructing how we should pray.  It is a faith that leads us to a daily dependence on God. It is not because He wants to control.  It is because as in Jeremiah 29:11

     "For I know the plans I have you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

     If we aren't living a faith that every day is submissive to God and yielding to His plan, then it is too easy for us to drown or fall.  As a parent you don't leave a child alone to jump into the deep end...you teach them to depend on you so to keep them safe.  You give them instructions and tests to make sure they are ready for the next steps.  God like any parent or teacher only wants to prepare us for the best life we can possibly have. It just takes surrender and the ability to let Him bless you anew every morning.  If the Israelites took too much manna it would go bad.  Does that mean God was trying to take something for them?  No, not at all. He just wants us to live by faith not by what we can control.  If they had storehouses of manna then they had no reason for God.  They didn't need a dependence on Him and they wouldn't be led by Him. God promises us an abundant life where everyday He will bless us in ways that are beyond our comprehension. However, we must follow his path.  He didn't want the Israelites to stay in the desert forever, He wanted them to keep moving forward and not get to comfortable.  For when we  become comfortable we usually camp out at that spot in life.  

     What promise land are we missing out on because we are stuck enslaved to our storehouses?  He promises you daily manna as you follow His steps.  In times when it seems like we are being tested or life was easier, remember how He taught us to pray and pray, knowing He promises manna every morning.