More thoughts

I thank those who have either commented her or on facebook saying that you are remembering us in prayer or thinking about us. I appreciate that more than you know. It is one of the things I like most about being a woman and defently one of the reasons I want to do women's ministry.....I love the encouragement that women can bring each other. I know that there are other women out there who have/and are currently experiencing the same emotions as I when it comes to fertility issues and such. Last year my husband and I were blessed with finding out we were pregnant to only find out a short time later that we were not. It was by far the most emotional and most painful experience I have been through. I will never forget the joy in David's eyes as he looked down at the pregnancy test( our second for that day) and saw "pregnant". It was something we both had been wanting for a long time, and in the past 2 years we have taken a lot of tests so having two come up pregnant was a truly new and joyous occasion. We sat there in our living room and cried, praised God and dreamed about the future. Of course I had to tell my Best Friend and our moms. For all of them knew that we had been praying for that moment for a long time and they all knew the pain I felt of not having any success in previous attempts. Over the next few days it was if we were in a whirlwind as we waited to have my blood work and Dr to confirm. However, everyone that we had contacted just family and my brother who works for the lab confirmed that it really was just a formality at that point. We went online and figured about the due date and conception. We were doing what I assume any expectant parents would do. We prayed a lot and praised a lot. We then received the news that I was not pregnant. They called it a chemical miscarriage and that it may never happen again but to just keep going like we were and perhaps I will get pregnant again and this time carry the child to full term. I can also remember and not forget the pain I felt and still feel as David and I laid there and cried. Even now as I think back and relive those moments in my head I still tear up. It left me feeling like I was broken or had done something wrong. David just kept asking why? Why did we have to go through this? Why did it happen to us, and would it happen again? I still don't have any answers and perhaps I never will. However, I know that God used that to eventually bring David and I closer together. I believe now more than ever that God is Omnipotent and that He is always my rock no matter in good or bad. I also know and believe that it is just part of my story that God will use to bring others to Him.
There are still times when I find myself getting jealous or questioning when I find out that someone is expecting a child. I am genuinely happy for the person as I know the joy they must be feeling, but I also grieve a little for me and those others that I know that long to have that feeling. I trust in Psalm 139 and know that God has been there through all of this and will be there forever. He truly does hold me and all others that have gone through this. I pray that if anyone else out there has experienced the loss of a child or the loss of not being able to have a child that they know the overwhelming comfort of God. I, also, hope that you know it is okay and natural to have all sorts of different emotions. You are not alone.....God is here as well as myself and other women.