Thoughts

With this being adoption awareness month I thought I would dedicate the blogs this month to adoption and why it has become such an issue in our life. One of the closest and most emotional topics that I have dealt with and deal with is having children. Since I can remember all I wanted to do was be a wife and a mother. Children have been such an big part of my life and even David and I's life as a couple. I had this great plan that David and I would get married and have a child pretty quickly. I mean why not we are a loving couple who loves children and the Lord. It is how things are suppose to happen, Right? Well, in life it doesn't always happen that way. David and I have had trouble with fertility since we have been married and haven't been successful as of now. As a woman it leaves me with a lot of emotion which as a very emotional person leaves me very drained. As I look for comfort I have fallen in love with the story of Hannah and how she cried out very honestly to the Lord. I read through her prayer of being barren and see both the despair and the honesty that she expresses to both God and her husband. As I begin to read through 1 Samuel I can relate, find comfort and have hope in the words written so many years ago. It brings up so many emotions.....despair, shame, insecurity, jealousy, hopelessness, and loneliness to name a few. I know that I am not the only woman and that David and I are not the only couple who face this. I know personally of a few friends who have gone through this and have seen the way it has affect them and their marriages. Whenever I am going through a trial I always think two things.....1. What can I learn from this and 2. How can God use this to reach others? So I have decided that over this month since it is adoption awareness month I will blog specifically about what it is like to want children and not have any. I hope that others are uplifted through this. I ask for prayers as I begin to open up about a subject that is very painful for me.