Drumroll please!!

Raise the Ruth is a Christ centered ministry aimed to come along side adolescent girls and their mothers in a kind and  loving approach, as they learn where their true hope and worth lies, and they navigate through the challenges of daily life.

     Above is the mission statement for the ministry that has been developing inside of me for the past 15 years and that I am happy/anxious, and above all honored, to finally unveil to the world.  I have always loved the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" and have dedicated most of my adult life to being part of the "village" for children around me.  I remember at age 23 during a prayer time one morning feeling very called to work with women and children.  It came during a time in my life when I was working through a lot of childhood trauma that I had experienced. I was also doing a bible study over the book Purpose Driven Life and praying about my "purpose".  That morning while journaling / praying over James 1:2-4

   "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. "

   I knew that I was not alone in what I had experienced and that I could come along other women/girls and support, love and encourage them as they persevere in their faith and struggles of life. Fast forward 3 years later at age 26, I would find myself in a women's bible study over the book of Ruth.  It was the first time I had really studied Ruth and I fell in love with the book. Being a Christian woman, there are not a lot of women in the bible to study and relate to, compared to men.  I remember around the same time the movie One Night with the King came out about the Book of Esther, and I didn't really relate to the story.   Disclaimer-I am in no way discrediting or not saying that I haven't taken any lessons from Esther.  However, I just remember reading Ruth and being like-I get this woman and for the first time found a Biblical person who I felt understood me- which meant God understood me, and more importantly, could and would use me.  If I would listen to Him, and trust the process that my future could be one of great blessing, that He would use to fulfill His plan for my life.

  Over the next 10/12 years I would dabble in ministry opportunities with women and children as I lived "my life".  I got married in 2007 and for the next 9 years would dedicate almost all my energy and effort into being a mother.  See post Being Momma JoDee for the lessons that would come with that. I also would grow in my wisdom of scripture and develop more of my story.  See our story is what connects us to people and what God uses in the lives of others. Just like the story of Ruth in my life.

    Through my divorce in 2016, I learned that life is messy at times, and for some of us, it may seem like life is full of messes.  However, it can also be full of blessings.   The past year has been one of the toughest and the best ,at the same time.  I would find myself remarried to someone who is truly my life partner.  He encourages my dreams,and more importantly, helps make them a reality.  I have, since the day we met, told him I knew I was called to work with with women and children.  I also knew I was to use my personal story of abuse, lies and heartache to tell people of God's love. I knew I may have been born into a family of secrets but I was bought with a price.  God had redeemed me from any past sins done to me or by me.  I am full of grace and it is my responsibility to live out the remainder of my days glorifying Him and sharing my story.  One doesn't have to be perfect- or wait until life is perfect- to make a difference in the world for God.  Ruth was in the midst of grief herself when she came along side Naomi. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:10

   "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

     So, that is the background of Raise the Ruth- It is aimed at raising up the next generation of Ruths.  If I were to have an expertise or skill in this life-it is working with children.  I have spent 20 years perfecting it and learning how to do it more effectively.  In the blessing/heartache of not having any children, I have a special way in which I appreciate and see every child.  I also know in my experience with working along side mothers-children are mimicking what they see. It is important for me that the mothers learn the same concepts the girls are learning.   So this ministry is unique in the fact that it is coming from both ends of the spectrum, and unites mothers and daughters.  As adults we often complicate God and the Bible.  It is my hope that we will present a simplistic approach of biblical truths to girls, and the women in their lives will be encouraged and changed.   I love that Ruth and Naomi learned from each other and were a daughter in law/mother in law
relationship. Raise the Ruth is in the beginning stages of development but God has already opened doors.  It is by faith we accomplish anything here on earth, and we are dreaming big.  This is not about me at all-but it is really about God's impact on my life.  If even one person is impacted and God is glorified than it will have been worth it all. 

There is more to the story.

   "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" Genesis 50:20

        Since we decided to step out of the boat back in September, it has been a series of choices to keep walking. Over the last 5 months, as I have sat before God, I have read the story of Peter walking on water many times. And just like Peter, I felt like giving up.  See God never promised Peter that the waves wouldn't come-but Jesus did show Peter and the rest of the disciples, prior to that day, that He has the power to calm the waves.  God will never call us to do something for which He hasn't already prepared us. Over the past month we have been hit with some financial insecurities we weren't expecting and again it sent me to my knees asking, "why?"  Where was God...and honestly at that exact moment I looked up and saw a sign that said "Be Still and Know that I am God".  There are times when we have to stop trying to control the waves because we don't have the power to do that..  People will intend harm on our lives....it is a given.  However, God is intending/weaving it all for our good and His Glory, at the exact same time. What a sense of peace it is when God calms the waves around us.

      Another huge lesson I have learned over the last few months: Peter just didn't step out of the boat he WALKED on water.  Walked is a verb, meaning he was active.  So many times I think we step out in faith and think that is all it takes.  However it is lifestyle of constant movement where we either focus on Him and move forward, or we stop and sink.  Or even the worst case, in my opinion, is we freak out and jump back in the boat.  The world tells us we belong with them back in the boat.  Satan wants to drown us in our own fear and watch us sink....but just like Peter we can WALK toward Jesus as He picks us up out of overtaking waves.  My favorite part of that story is the last verse where it states 

    "and when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.  Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying "Truly you are the Son of God." Matthew 14:32-33

     God is constantly at work, and we have to believe, while trusting the process.  I can tell you life is hard but if we want to stay focused on God, He will calm the sea and use our life for eternal glory, and the saving of lives.  Also, I love the picture that Jesus walked back with Peter and got in the boat with him.  We are never forsaken.  So you may ask, "that's great for a story 2000 years old, but what about today"?  Good question! Let me tell you what else has happened over the last month.  The day after we heard that what income we were relying on for Scott was gone and the waves seemed to be higher than we could imagined-I cried out God save us.  I know He didn't call us out to watch us drown.  I know He has placed a calling on my heart to work with women and children.  I don't want to turn back to the boat and I don't want to drown. Well Let ME TELL YOU GOD HEARD AND PICKED US UP!  

      Literally one week later, and I am in the process of starting a ministry that is based on the book of Ruth.  It is aimed towards both the girls ages 8-13 and their moms.  I have a podcast that will be going live by the end of the month designed for both mom and girls to listen to together as they commute to school/practice/store, wherever, everyday.  We have a website registered that we are diligently working on and I have the first mother/daughter brunch scheduled for end of April!  We have vision boards up and the house and we are moving forward to answer the call on our life.  I am married to amazing project manager of a man who gives me deadlines and helps me stay focused.  In a time when honestly I can't even see the water- it's like we have jumped off a cliff I haven an undeniable peace that passes all earthly understanding and feel more alive then ever.  

What's in a name?

     "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here"

                    2 Corinthians 5:17    

     I got married over the weekend. My husband and I were having a conversation on Sunday that really got my thinking.  We were laying there and I asked him how different he felt now that we are married.  He answered not much in his mind had changed, because he was committed to me and had made that decision months ago and this just made it legal.   However there was big change that happened for me. As a woman when we get married we change our name-our identity.  I now would belong to him. 

  The week leading up to the wedding he had asked me what my Facebook name would become once married.  Now you know something is official if you go and change it on social media.  Now I had both my maiden and married name from my first marriage on Facebook.  So the dilemma arose would I just add the new last name and what would I drop.  I had kept my married name after my divorce as honestly the hassle of changing everything seemed tasking and wasn't that big of a deal at the time. However, the name still kept my attached to my ex and his family. So the day of the wedding I did indeed go in and change my name.  I dropped all names and fully took on the identity of my husband and added just my new name.

   I began thinking about how it does mean different things to be a bride verses a bridegroom.  I then thought about how we(the church) are referred to as the Bride of Christ and that when we enter into a relationship with Him we must change our old identity.  The verse in Corinthians states that we are a new creation.  Saul of Tarsus went by Saint Paul after his encounter with God. He wanted to be identified as a believer of Jesus Christ.  Just as I chose to drop any name that would identify me when any man other than my husband once married when we enter a relationship with God we must drop anything that would identify us with our past. It maybe a hassle and require some work on our behalf but what greater honor than to be identified as part of the family of God.

Fear, can we ever overcome it?

   "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear," 1 John 4:18.

    I recently watched the 2016 movie Ben-Hur and wow what a movie.  A story of how unfairness of life can change our very character but Christ through His life and death can change all that if we make the decision to let go and move forward.  There is a line from Morgan Freeman's character to the main character Judah Ben Hur at the very end as they are riding away  "Don't look back Judah, for your life is in front of you." How true a statement but one that seems so hard to do.  SHIFT OUR FOCUS from the past to the future from what has happened to the Hope of what can happen.
     A "victim of her past", damaged by what has happened to her unable to move forward in life/relationships is playing on repeat in my mind.  Sometimes it is quiet but there are times when it is so loud that I don't think I can move forward.  I have been in therapy off and on since I was 15 when I was first diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety.  I am thankful for my therapist and there is no shame in asking someone to help you reprogram your way of thinking. Especially if it isn't working. My therapist gave me a worksheet on the 9 ways we make ourselves miserable by the way we think.  Yep, I could say I "naturally" go to all of them in situations.  The result has been an all in compassing fear that is suffocating and left me with few close friends,a divorce, and not living the life I knew I could. So change had to happen and I began to really shift my focus off of me(past) and onto God (hope for the life He made us for).
  I love the verse above because fear is natural and for some of us in life it is inevitable based on life's circumstances.  However, it gives us hope that there is a perfect love that drives out all fear, wow what a promise.  So how does that happen?  I believe and have found that it is through my focus-looking at the one who gives hope.  It takes time and is one decision at a time, one day at a time. I don't know that I will ever overcome fear completely but I can choose not be OVERCOME by fear.
   I had the privileged to be part of a Women's Event at my church this past weekend and I am always amazed but what God can do when people, especially women, come together for a common goal. We live in a world where there is so much negativity and tearing down.  It was a night where  women of all ages gathered together for dessert/coffee(now something can be said about Chocolate, cheesecake and coffee offered) and listen to women share "Stories of Belonging".   There was a brief time after the women spoke to have a discussion at our tables, and it struck me how "fear" was brought up.  Fear/shyness/compassion often leaves us isolated and stuck. This is the main "why" behind my writing to somehow connect us to each other and let other women know they aren't alone in thoughts/life.  My prayer for this blog is one of encouragement  and also to help me stay Focused on that perfect love and drive out the fear that can control me.

Dieting/blogging not much difference really

     The hardest part of dieting is the first initial days.  Its starting or doing something new and then following through until becomes a habit.  The best part of when we form habits and see changes physically it helps keep us going.  We start building muscle, start losing some weight and we keep the momentum up because we have gained confidence.  I struggle with wanting to eat the right food for my body -the healthier proteins verses the carbs  that i so dearly love.  So to help me stay accountable I record my food.  The first few days I am always shocked how much cheese and bread I eat when given the choice. Its a bit of a chore to record every food in my mouth and there are times I will not eat something because I don't want to record it.  However, a week to 10 days in it starts to become less of a "chore" and more of everyday life.  I see my carbohydrates go down and my protein go up.  I get excited and it propels me further and further.  This practice can be applied to all areas of my life and is part of what I want to devote 2018 to...being intentional and moving forward in areas of my life.  I start so many blogs in my mind or even bounce them off Scott over dinner.  Then they get lost as I either say to myself I will do it when or no one wants to hear that. I have to make it a priority and be intentional. Truth is distraction often leads to procrastination.-I'll start the diet tomorrow.  I'll make the change when... However, true success comes when it isn't a diet-but becomes just a part of our life. As someone who has lost over 200 pounds at one point and recently gained close to 5O lbs back I've learned I have to stay focused on what I am putting into my body and how much energy is going out.
FOCUS-is the key to moving forward for me.  Even the Lords Prayer starts out with us Focusing on God before we ask, repent or move forward in our daily life.  It also was what Job had to do before God could restore his life and bless him.  He had to stop focusing on what was happening to Him and start focusing on Who God Is.   For me to Move Forward in my life I have to stop focusing on what is happening, my circumstances, and start focusing on Who God Is. By nature I am a dreamer-I can see the forest and picture of what God has laid on my heart coming to forition. The problem lies that when it comes to the daily grind- the recording of my food(thoughts) I don't do an adequate job.  Then I get overwhelmed and honestly then I quit for a period of time.The thought of because I failed today means I am a failure...when in reality it means I failed today- not tomorrow or the next day or a month from now.   My favorite part of writing is that it connect us and God can and will use what happens in my life to encourage others.  I am a mess-not gonna lie-but I am beautiful forgiven mess.  I just want others to feel welcomed to come and be a mess with me and be blessed.  I pray women are blessed as they see what God is doing in my everyday life in everyday circumstances.
 

Moving Forward

     For the past few years as January came I would try to find a word to focus on for that year.  2016 it was Resilience.  For 2017 my focus was TRUST- in God and in others.  As December was coming to an end I began to pray and think about my word for the coming year.  Well, after a lot of prayer and thought on the subject I actually chose the phrase Moving Forward.
    The past 4 months have been absolutely crazy and left me feeling a little stuck to be honest.  In September the decision was made for me to quit my job at Chase and focus more on my writing and ministry.   Scott, my fiance, and I had set a date to be married and now was thhe perfect time to step out.   God showed us HE was involved because the day after I turned in my notice I was offered a position with my church to go on staff.  It was exactly what I was praying for as far as only being part time and allowing me to spend time focusing on my writing.  4 days after that we found Scott back in hospital and facing the first of three surgeries and between the two of us a total of 73 days in the hospital.  We ended up canceling our original wedding date.  Let me tell you one of the biggest feeling I felt through that was stuck!  It was a feeling like I was on a hamster wheel.  I ended up with 2 hospital stays for infection and Scott ended up with a total of 5 hospital stays.  We both ended up going home with pic lines and IV antibiotics.  Scott receives his at home and I went for 30 days straight to an out patient facility for infusions.  Mine ended December 29th and we are still giving Scott his. It has been hard to concentrate on anything outside of health, doctor visits and how to get through the day.  There is always the thought that infection is back and we will end up in hospital again. However, it is time to MOVE FORWARD both in my ministry and my writing.
     As the majority of people after the Holiday Season ends begin to focus on fitness and nutrition more; I am no different.  It has a little less to do with how I ate during the holidays but more to do with how I stopped focusing on my health and fitness.  I was in the middle of training for a 1/2 marathon when I got sick and then Scott went into the hospital. It didn't take long for that to go on the back burner. So I will MOVE FORWARD in my training.  Although for now I am going to focus again on 5ks and just moving in general.  Nutritionally I just haven't been able to devote time or have much control on what goes in my mouth.  Between hospital food or eating on the go and being an emotional eater well nutrition went out the window.  So it is time to get that back in line.
  The last area where I really want to MOVE FORWARD is my relationships.  Obviously the stress of the past 4 months took a toll on Scott and we have had to really choose to move forward in our relationship. After cancelling one wedding date it was very hard for me to think about planning another.  However, I do love this man with my heart and believe God has brought us together.  So it is time to get married.  I can't live in fear that he will go back into hospital and we will have to cancel.  I also on more deeper level want to really become intentional in my relationships with others. I haven't done a great job of making time for those God has put in my life and I would like to do that.
    So as 2018 has begun, I am being brave and moving forward with the life and purpose God has for me.

Being Momma JoDee

     So many who know me know I am passionate about kids and have always longed to be a mom.  From the time I was little that was all I wanted to do...be a mom.  I started preparing for it at a young life took child development in 4H and high school.  I started babysitting at 12 like most adolescent girls.  By the time I got out into college I started nannying part time for nieces and nephews and soon learned that I had a gift and a passion.  I also had an undeniable desire to be a mother of my own.  I easily and naturally began to find myself surrounded by children of all ages.  I was youth group volunteer, after school volunteer, church camp counselor, kids church leader and spending all my free time with my nieces and nephews. As I naturally did this the desire to be a mother grew more and more to the point where truthfully it had developed into an idol.  I did all the "right" things in praying the prayer of Hannah, busying myself in the work of the Lord and waiting "not so patiently" for the man he had for me.  By age 26  I decided if I couldn't be a mom I would "play the part" and became a full-time live in nanny.  I was doing everything in my control to fulfill this desire.  At 27 I met a christian man from a good christian family who also loved kids and wanted children and got married.       We quickly started trying to have children but soon learned that it wasn't going to be an easy road.  I was determined though to do everything in my power.  After all this is what I was designed to do and I knew in my heart that I was made to be a mother.   In the meantime I turned 30 and was busy watching many of my friends have children and thought "why not me".  Why can't I be a mother?  I still surrounded myself in Children's Ministry and the lives of children around me. When Drs told us that my weight was an issue I had the lapband to help me again lose the weight and have a child.   However it still didn't happen and I was left lost, confused and very angry.  I felt somehow that I wasn't "good enough" compared to the women around me.  More importantly I was angry that desires of my heart weren't being fulfilled when I was doing everything in my power to make it happen.  Adoption, foster care, all of it David and I looked into.   I still found myself working with kids through nannying, babysitting or church.  It was a passion in my that couldn't be sniffed out.  It is and was where I feel the most alive and useful in this world.  

    In 2014 that same desire found David and I moving across the country to become houseparents for some amazing children.  I got to be Momma JoDee finally and I loved it. It was stressful, crazy and embraced some of my best gifts God has given me.  However, I still had an undeniable hunger to be a mom....have my own child that no one could ever take and be mine. We had a young woman approach us to adopt her unborn child while at the children's home and just knew that was God.  I mean He knew my heart, he heard my prayers and now was the time.  He was giving us what we always wanted.  We left the children's home(one of the hardest days of my life as I walked out a door as my "kids" cried for me to stay).  However, we were on to a new chapter one filled with gloriousness(so I thought).   We were busy preparing our new home for the upcoming home study.  We had a lawyer and we were full speed ahead on all our details.  I had control of the situate and I knew it was my time to now be a mother to this little unborn girl....we had named her Hannah of course because God had heard my every cry and prayer.  However, 3 weeks later we got the news that the birth mom had changed her mind and our girl was gone. To say I was devastated doesn't even begin to encompass the hurt I felt.  I was sad, hurt and mostly really angry.   I had done everything and yet it was taken away.  My desire to be a mother was not going to happen....yet again.  I was left with extreme anger at God because I had given this to Him and HE took it away.....but had I really ever given it to Him?  

   The 18 months since that time have been filled with lots of darkness and long nights crying out to Him. I was forced through all that to really sit at HIS feet and give over my life.  I have learned that I have no control over anyone except for myself and how I react to situations.  More importantly I have learned to TRUST God....with my desire to be a mother, and you know what I am one.  No I have not given birth but I am a mother....to many children.  Not just to one or two, but I have invested , loved, trained and prayed over many children in my 38 years.  This mommas heart is filled with joy every Sunday as I teach my 2nd graders and they run up to give me one last hug.  I love the smiles on the faces of my nieces/nephews as we laugh together and they tell me about their lives.  I get the text from one here or there asking for advice, or a recipe.  I have embraced this Momma JoDee heart that I have and I take very seriously the gift I have to work with children.  There hasn't been a child that I have watched that I haven't prayed over and shown Gods love.  See He knew exactly what He was doing and has been preparing me all along.  He has answered my prayer and HE has given me the desires of my heart.  However, I couldn't see it until  stopped being fixated on myself(my definition of what it meant to be a mother) and started looking just to HIM. Believe it or not I have an awesome Man of God in my life now and as we are planning a future together the very subject of children has come up and I honestly don't have that same desire to have a "child of my own".  No I really just want to keep nurturing the "momma JoDee" inside of me that God already has blessed me with.