Dieting/blogging not much difference really

     The hardest part of dieting is the first initial days.  Its starting or doing something new and then following through until becomes a habit.  The best part of when we form habits and see changes physically it helps keep us going.  We start building muscle, start losing some weight and we keep the momentum up because we have gained confidence.  I struggle with wanting to eat the right food for my body -the healthier proteins verses the carbs  that i so dearly love.  So to help me stay accountable I record my food.  The first few days I am always shocked how much cheese and bread I eat when given the choice. Its a bit of a chore to record every food in my mouth and there are times I will not eat something because I don't want to record it.  However, a week to 10 days in it starts to become less of a "chore" and more of everyday life.  I see my carbohydrates go down and my protein go up.  I get excited and it propels me further and further.  This practice can be applied to all areas of my life and is part of what I want to devote 2018 to...being intentional and moving forward in areas of my life.  I start so many blogs in my mind or even bounce them off Scott over dinner.  Then they get lost as I either say to myself I will do it when or no one wants to hear that. I have to make it a priority and be intentional. Truth is distraction often leads to procrastination.-I'll start the diet tomorrow.  I'll make the change when... However, true success comes when it isn't a diet-but becomes just a part of our life. As someone who has lost over 200 pounds at one point and recently gained close to 5O lbs back I've learned I have to stay focused on what I am putting into my body and how much energy is going out.
FOCUS-is the key to moving forward for me.  Even the Lords Prayer starts out with us Focusing on God before we ask, repent or move forward in our daily life.  It also was what Job had to do before God could restore his life and bless him.  He had to stop focusing on what was happening to Him and start focusing on Who God Is.   For me to Move Forward in my life I have to stop focusing on what is happening, my circumstances, and start focusing on Who God Is. By nature I am a dreamer-I can see the forest and picture of what God has laid on my heart coming to forition. The problem lies that when it comes to the daily grind- the recording of my food(thoughts) I don't do an adequate job.  Then I get overwhelmed and honestly then I quit for a period of time.The thought of because I failed today means I am a failure...when in reality it means I failed today- not tomorrow or the next day or a month from now.   My favorite part of writing is that it connect us and God can and will use what happens in my life to encourage others.  I am a mess-not gonna lie-but I am beautiful forgiven mess.  I just want others to feel welcomed to come and be a mess with me and be blessed.  I pray women are blessed as they see what God is doing in my everyday life in everyday circumstances.
 

Moving Forward

     For the past few years as January came I would try to find a word to focus on for that year.  2016 it was Resilience.  For 2017 my focus was TRUST- in God and in others.  As December was coming to an end I began to pray and think about my word for the coming year.  Well, after a lot of prayer and thought on the subject I actually chose the phrase Moving Forward.
    The past 4 months have been absolutely crazy and left me feeling a little stuck to be honest.  In September the decision was made for me to quit my job at Chase and focus more on my writing and ministry.   Scott, my fiance, and I had set a date to be married and now was thhe perfect time to step out.   God showed us HE was involved because the day after I turned in my notice I was offered a position with my church to go on staff.  It was exactly what I was praying for as far as only being part time and allowing me to spend time focusing on my writing.  4 days after that we found Scott back in hospital and facing the first of three surgeries and between the two of us a total of 73 days in the hospital.  We ended up canceling our original wedding date.  Let me tell you one of the biggest feeling I felt through that was stuck!  It was a feeling like I was on a hamster wheel.  I ended up with 2 hospital stays for infection and Scott ended up with a total of 5 hospital stays.  We both ended up going home with pic lines and IV antibiotics.  Scott receives his at home and I went for 30 days straight to an out patient facility for infusions.  Mine ended December 29th and we are still giving Scott his. It has been hard to concentrate on anything outside of health, doctor visits and how to get through the day.  There is always the thought that infection is back and we will end up in hospital again. However, it is time to MOVE FORWARD both in my ministry and my writing.
     As the majority of people after the Holiday Season ends begin to focus on fitness and nutrition more; I am no different.  It has a little less to do with how I ate during the holidays but more to do with how I stopped focusing on my health and fitness.  I was in the middle of training for a 1/2 marathon when I got sick and then Scott went into the hospital. It didn't take long for that to go on the back burner. So I will MOVE FORWARD in my training.  Although for now I am going to focus again on 5ks and just moving in general.  Nutritionally I just haven't been able to devote time or have much control on what goes in my mouth.  Between hospital food or eating on the go and being an emotional eater well nutrition went out the window.  So it is time to get that back in line.
  The last area where I really want to MOVE FORWARD is my relationships.  Obviously the stress of the past 4 months took a toll on Scott and we have had to really choose to move forward in our relationship. After cancelling one wedding date it was very hard for me to think about planning another.  However, I do love this man with my heart and believe God has brought us together.  So it is time to get married.  I can't live in fear that he will go back into hospital and we will have to cancel.  I also on more deeper level want to really become intentional in my relationships with others. I haven't done a great job of making time for those God has put in my life and I would like to do that.
    So as 2018 has begun, I am being brave and moving forward with the life and purpose God has for me.

Being Momma JoDee

     So many who know me know I am passionate about kids and have always longed to be a mom.  From the time I was little that was all I wanted to do...be a mom.  I started preparing for it at a young life took child development in 4H and high school.  I started babysitting at 12 like most adolescent girls.  By the time I got out into college I started nannying part time for nieces and nephews and soon learned that I had a gift and a passion.  I also had an undeniable desire to be a mother of my own.  I easily and naturally began to find myself surrounded by children of all ages.  I was youth group volunteer, after school volunteer, church camp counselor, kids church leader and spending all my free time with my nieces and nephews. As I naturally did this the desire to be a mother grew more and more to the point where truthfully it had developed into an idol.  I did all the "right" things in praying the prayer of Hannah, busying myself in the work of the Lord and waiting "not so patiently" for the man he had for me.  By age 26  I decided if I couldn't be a mom I would "play the part" and became a full-time live in nanny.  I was doing everything in my control to fulfill this desire.  At 27 I met a christian man from a good christian family who also loved kids and wanted children and got married.       We quickly started trying to have children but soon learned that it wasn't going to be an easy road.  I was determined though to do everything in my power.  After all this is what I was designed to do and I knew in my heart that I was made to be a mother.   In the meantime I turned 30 and was busy watching many of my friends have children and thought "why not me".  Why can't I be a mother?  I still surrounded myself in Children's Ministry and the lives of children around me. When Drs told us that my weight was an issue I had the lapband to help me again lose the weight and have a child.   However it still didn't happen and I was left lost, confused and very angry.  I felt somehow that I wasn't "good enough" compared to the women around me.  More importantly I was angry that desires of my heart weren't being fulfilled when I was doing everything in my power to make it happen.  Adoption, foster care, all of it David and I looked into.   I still found myself working with kids through nannying, babysitting or church.  It was a passion in my that couldn't be sniffed out.  It is and was where I feel the most alive and useful in this world.  

    In 2014 that same desire found David and I moving across the country to become houseparents for some amazing children.  I got to be Momma JoDee finally and I loved it. It was stressful, crazy and embraced some of my best gifts God has given me.  However, I still had an undeniable hunger to be a mom....have my own child that no one could ever take and be mine. We had a young woman approach us to adopt her unborn child while at the children's home and just knew that was God.  I mean He knew my heart, he heard my prayers and now was the time.  He was giving us what we always wanted.  We left the children's home(one of the hardest days of my life as I walked out a door as my "kids" cried for me to stay).  However, we were on to a new chapter one filled with gloriousness(so I thought).   We were busy preparing our new home for the upcoming home study.  We had a lawyer and we were full speed ahead on all our details.  I had control of the situate and I knew it was my time to now be a mother to this little unborn girl....we had named her Hannah of course because God had heard my every cry and prayer.  However, 3 weeks later we got the news that the birth mom had changed her mind and our girl was gone. To say I was devastated doesn't even begin to encompass the hurt I felt.  I was sad, hurt and mostly really angry.   I had done everything and yet it was taken away.  My desire to be a mother was not going to happen....yet again.  I was left with extreme anger at God because I had given this to Him and HE took it away.....but had I really ever given it to Him?  

   The 18 months since that time have been filled with lots of darkness and long nights crying out to Him. I was forced through all that to really sit at HIS feet and give over my life.  I have learned that I have no control over anyone except for myself and how I react to situations.  More importantly I have learned to TRUST God....with my desire to be a mother, and you know what I am one.  No I have not given birth but I am a mother....to many children.  Not just to one or two, but I have invested , loved, trained and prayed over many children in my 38 years.  This mommas heart is filled with joy every Sunday as I teach my 2nd graders and they run up to give me one last hug.  I love the smiles on the faces of my nieces/nephews as we laugh together and they tell me about their lives.  I get the text from one here or there asking for advice, or a recipe.  I have embraced this Momma JoDee heart that I have and I take very seriously the gift I have to work with children.  There hasn't been a child that I have watched that I haven't prayed over and shown Gods love.  See He knew exactly what He was doing and has been preparing me all along.  He has answered my prayer and HE has given me the desires of my heart.  However, I couldn't see it until  stopped being fixated on myself(my definition of what it meant to be a mother) and started looking just to HIM. Believe it or not I have an awesome Man of God in my life now and as we are planning a future together the very subject of children has come up and I honestly don't have that same desire to have a "child of my own".  No I really just want to keep nurturing the "momma JoDee" inside of me that God already has blessed me with.

Hello Again

     So I am finding myself here with laptop in my lap, a million different thoughts, a whole lot of doubt but an even more abundant sense urgency to take a step....before my talent is given to someone who won't bury it out of fear.  I can't even begin to share everything that has happened the last 4 years.  It has been filled with full time ministry opportunities, move to the Southwest and back, Momma JoDee to 13 amazing kiddos, a failed adoption, and a divorce to name a few.  More importantly it has been filled with a whole lot of God in both the beautiful highlights and the painful moments.  I know that I was brought through each one of those not only to grow as a child of God but also to encourage my fellow  sisters to not give up.  Even when every door has closed, and you think the world is closing in around you...keep moving forward no matter how small a step just take one.  For me late 2015/2016 were some of the darkest times of my life.  I found myself a houseparent to some amazing children in New Mexico. Living in one of the most beautiful places I have been to and living the life I thought I always wanted to live.  I was being a momma just like I wanted...however it was coming at the cost of a very rocky marriage and my health.  However, I was determined to live/have the life I always wanted no matter the cost.  However, it would prove to be too much for my marriage and my body. In a matter of a month I said goodbye to my kiddos, had emergency surgery and found out the birth mom had pulled out of our adoption.  Everything crumbled around me- all out of my control and I could barely hold on.  Then the unimaginable happened a month later when my husband of 9 years told me he was done and the last piece of the "life of my dreams" was gone.  So within 3 months of leaving the Children's home I packed my little Elantra up and God and I headed from New Mexico to Indiana.  For a life I couldn't imagine nor honestly even wanted to.  The mountain top I was on was gone and now I fallen deeper and farther into the valley then ever before and it was DARK!  Let me tell you though, that's where the most growth happens... and that is what has happened over the last 16 months -unbelievable growth and development. Which brings me here today writing this.....this time up the mountain I want to bring others with me.  Share some of my LIGHT in the darkness and have us climb together closer to Him.

2012 in retrospect view

Well here we are now in 2013 and a quarter of the way through and I was very neglegent in blogging last year.  I also have such intentions and then life happens.  I thought 2012 would be our year and I can honestly say it was full of many suprises and many changes for sure.  Through a maritial crisis in March of last year we made the decision to relocate to New Castle Indiana where I would be able to go into full-time ministry.  Wow, what I always have felt and longed to do had happened but it came about after a lot of pain.  I grew so much spiritually in 2012 and am learning that I have so far to go.  I am so thankful for a loving, compassionate God who has been by my side and in fact holding me tightly on His lap.  Upon moving to New Castle in August we became caretakers of an Old School that our church had bought and began to work with homeless men and women here in town.  It has been so amazing to see God Bless this ministry and move in the lives of people.  I have learned more about my "gifting" and what brings me joy in doing.  I have learned what does not bring me joy too.  Most of all I am learniing to bring joy to my Heavenly Father in all I do. 
  

Happy 2012

Wow. Time sure does fly doesn't it. Anyhow here we are in 2012, in fact here we are 6 weeks into 2012. I have so much faith that 2012 is going to be the best year yet. Although I can tell you it has started out with lots of growing and testing of our faith. I did step down and now a part time teller with the bank. Although I am working almost every day of the week picking up shifts as needed. We are adjusting to my salary being cut so drastically but we are spending much more time at home. I have learned to cook and meal plan which is not only cheaper but healthier than eating out. I am having consistent quiet time before the Lord to read the Bible and pray. I have a goal to read the bible this year and so far I am on plan. I am learning so much as I have read through Genesis and Exodus. To see how Jacob, Moses, Abraham really did turn to God to lead their every move. I am seeing them struggle and continue to really worship the Lord. The plan that I am doing to help me stay accountable and reach my goal also has me reading from the New Testament and a Psalm and Proverb every day.
Yes there are still lots of decisions that David and I are facing and praying about. We long to go where God is leading us and know the only to know where that is, is to constantly be in the Bible learning about the nature of the Lord. I really am thankful for where the Lord has brought me over the last year. 2011 was rough but I am so thankful for everything that came to light because my relationship with God, David and my family has never been so good. I learned a lot about who I am and what is truly important to me. I learned through failures and life's curve balls that God is really my rock. I am excited to see where this next year will go and to share with all what I am learning.
One of the big decisions that David and I are facing right now is the decision to become foster parents. I have wrote before about our heart for children and adoption. Through a lot of prayer and discussions we are thinking more and more about becoming foster parents. We love children and believe God instructs us to take care of the orphans. Our lives center so much around kids especially our nieces and nephews. We are always planning the next weekends activities of going to a movie, Disney on ice, the mall, princess movies, ball games, school plays, whatever it is they need or want. We just want to share that with children who don't have that. We are always taking kids to church with us and would love to introduce the Love of Jesus with kids that so desperately need people who love them. Like I said this is all in the beginning stages but we are trusting God to lead us step by step. In the meantime I will continue to worship the Lord and learn about His very nature.

Changes

After two plus months of prayer and talking things over with our friends and family David and I made the decision for me to step down from my position at work and go part-time. This is actually my last week working as an ABM here at my current location. We are very excited and know that this decision will be blessed. I have wanted to do ministry full time for many years and I will be devoting more time to that. I ask for continued prayer as this decision comes with great financial sacrifice on our part. However, it was time for me to really step out and answer the call that has been placed on my life. I know that God is good and He is faithful to those that follow Him. He is our provider and our comfort so I am sure that as we rely on Him through this blessings will come.


Specifically prayers I ask for:


1. Continued Peace. As it has become more of a reality, reality has set in. I am praying specifically that I would not worry as to how things will work out. I know that God's hand has been all over this decision. A couple of weeks ago at church there was a sermon on sacrifice and how it is meant to be something that is hard and can be felt but God has always provided and blessed sacrifice.


2. David and I would continue to draw near to each other and God through this time. There is some added stress as things are not known. I have faith that God will continue to bring us together and I am confident that this change will be one that brings us together.


3. I pray for David as he will be taking more of the financial responsibility for our family. I know that he will do amazing and his support for me during this process has been amazing. There is an opportunity in the horizon that we are praying will work out. I know that God has our steps directed for us as we are following him.


4. Financially things to work out. I know that this decision is cutting my salary in 1/3 and I pray that God works out the difference. I know there are some things that David and I have been doing in the past year to help us prepare for this as we have been becoming financially free. I just pray that all the little details continue to work and I have faith that they will.


5. Continued guidance for us as we are trusting in the Lord with our future. We really are at agreement that the Lord's plans far out way any of ours. We are continuing to trust and believe in Him to open doors and lead us.





I leave you with verse that right now has been the ever lasting prayer and comfort for us... Psalm 37:23.


"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."