I petitioned a couple of weeks ago for prayer for David and I as I begin to blog about a couple areas very close to our heart. I personally have been praying about the right way to approach them or the way to blog being both respectfulof David and glorifying to God. I also continue to pray for guidance as these issues/struggles are very real and very painful in ways. However, when faced with these struggles I knew God was leading me to share them with women for His Glory. I truly believe my life is to be used as a living testimony to the power and strength that comes through the Lord Jesus Christ. Growing up "hiding the truth" or "pretending to be perfect" leaves me with a false since of pride and security. The Lord over the past 10 years has shown me the true freedom that comes through Christ and giving Him control. I have experienced the joy of living a life open and honest. Sometimes David jokes that I went from one extreme to the other from hiding the truth of my life to wanting to share everything.
So as I begin to write about these areas I pray that God guides my fingers across the keyboard and blesses those that read it as well as David and I. We are dedicated to each other and to the opening up of our lives for the light of God to shine through. As I wrote yesterday God has been blessing me and showing me how His fingerprints are all over our life right now. David and I have had some struggles over the past four years of our marriage that have been really difficult. As do most marriages. However the past four months in particular have been even harder as a lot has come out. I have blogged and mentioned in previous posts the lesson I am learning with "choices". Marriage and love is so often a choice. Sometimes it is a feeling but often times it is a choice. A choice to stay married and honor your covenant with each other and God. It is the choice to start anew and fresh everyday. It is a choice to forgive each other daily, sometimes multiple times. It is the choice to work together to understand each other and what makes each other different. It is the choice to accept what life brings and learn how to deal with it. Now there are days I wake up and yes I "feel" loved and I "feel" like loving David the way he needs and deserves. However reality is that is not everyday, and anyone that is married or in a relationship knows this. Marriage is made up of two broken people in a broken world so it will be broken. However that is the joyous aspect of having a God centered marriage. God is the third string that weaves us together in a way that Satan and this world can't touch. I have "love is" written on my bathroom mirror as a constant reminder that I chose what I want love to look like. I also have written 1 Cor 13:4-7 on our bedroom vanity mirror so every night before I go to bed I see what God says love is. I then have the choice to honor God and follow His design for love and marriage or not. For me someone who is a very visual person and needs the constant reminders it has changed our marriage over the past 18 months they have been there.
David and I didn't get married until I was 28 and by all accounts I will admit that I pushed for the marriage to happen as quick as it did. I like most women had my idea of what a "husband", and a "marriage" was to look and feel like. I went in with a lot of unrealistic expectations. I grew up like all little girls imagining my prince. I had designed him, and I wanted David to become or be that figment of my imagination. The last few years before marriage as my relationship with God began to really deepen and form I had developed in my mind an image of a man who was part Paul, Moses, Peter, David, John, James and Prince Charming mixed in with a little Billy Graham, Max Lacado and John Piper. Needless to say it was not the most tangible realistic expectation to put on David. However truthfully it was there and in the back of my mind I would get angry when David didn't match up. It took me quite a few months and truthfully over 2 1/2 years into our marriage until I truly repented of this and asked God to show me how to love David for David and not who I wanted him to be. I will remember that Sunday afternoon in February 2010 as we came home from church and my heart was broken. God was speaking to me and had me go before David to confess and repent of this. As we knelt beside the side of the bed and prayed over 1 Cor. 13, and myself over Psalm 31 I felt the strongholds began to lift from our marriage. God began to move that day and has continued over the past 18 months a lot. I would love to say that at that moment and going forward our relationship began to mimic that of the bride of Christ and Christ. I would love to say that we now have no huge issues and are so in love. Now I can say that I love David more than I did at that point or even when we meant. In fact I am loving him more everyday. However, the last 18 months have been hard and there has been hurt between the both of us. I am just thankful for all that God is doing and continues to do.
I guess I will leave this post with that thought for today that marriage is so full of choices and love after all is sometimes a choice, but remember the choice that Christ made for His church when he laid down His life on the cross. I think sometimes as Christians we feel that we have to have the "perfect" marriage. I know that I was ashamed to tell people that we have struggles and we are in counseling to help us talk through and work through those areas. However we are I am thankful for a husband who has made the choice to work through our issues, his issues and let me work through mine as we walk through life together. I am thankful for a God who gives me the freedom to write publicly about Him and the difference He makes in my life everyday. I am also thankful for any of you that are reading this. I hope if you have struggled in your marriage or any relationship that you know that it is okay, and that God is right there by your side wanting to help you through. In 1 Peter 5:6-7 we are instructed to humble ourselves and lift our burdens on the Lord so He can lift us up because He cares for us. He is there it's up to us, our choice, if we let Him in.
No comments:
Post a Comment