turning worries into praise

What a couple of days. Seems like I say that a lot lately. I guess that is what being an adult is though. Right? So this blog is going to be rather candid. I am struggling tonight with a few things and I just want to get out my th0ughts honestly. My prayer is that if anyone reads this at some point and you can relate than you will know that God is with us even when we don't see or feel Him. I hate not being in control. I get very anxious and my stomach begins to cramp when I start feeling worried and extremely anxious about things. In the past I have had anxiety attacks and that is part of what would lead at times to me lying and running from a situation. It is only through the Grace of God and others that over the past few years I have dealt with and worked through very difficult situations. Part of the reasoning is how I grew up and partly I think it is part of the sinful nature that is inside of me. I bet over the past 4 hours I have said Philippians 4:6-7 about 100 times. I am having a "test" of sorts at work this week and it isn't going well. To make it worse the past two days I haven't been there because David and I took a long weekend to be with each other for our anniversary. We have a had a stressful year and needed some time together. However, as life goes the first day together started with a phone call saying "She's here" I knew that meant I had to get up and go to work for couple of hours to prepare them for what was happening. I did and as I left yesterday I was obviously falsely confident in how I had prepared my staff. I thought I had given them the necessary skills they needed but it doesn't quite look that way. I know also that I am a rather prideful person and I let my pride stand in the way I guess. I work very hard but there is always room for growth. Well even though I haven't been there with them I am sure learning a lot about myself and my management style. I am learning a lot about my fears that lead me t0 not be confident when I should and be too confident to see the flaws in my style. I believe that the Lord placed me at my job for a reason and I honestly do work very hard at what I do. My parents taught us that you better do the best job you can because you never know when something will happen. Anyhow, I don't really want to just vent about the things I can't control. What I do what to make known or say I guess is that sometimes life just stinks. I just have to learn that is that by worrying about what I can't control and by being upset I am not going to accomplish anything. After all, who by worrying can add a single day to their life? Right? I believe we have all heard that and it is true. I know that God is good and just. He gives and He takes away but His love endures forever. I love worship songs and I love that after playing just a few over in my mind it does calm my soul. I know there are always going to be things that I don't understand or that I wonder about, but I know that even though they seem to be life consuming at the time. They are not. This life is short and it is not mine to waste worrying about what I can't can't control. For really isn't the root of worry Pride. I mean worrying is about me and what will happen to some sort of aspect of my life. So I will not worry I will not sin. I will turn to the one who made me and Thank Him for all He does everyday. I will Thank Him for the teachable moments in life and the for being my constant. I will Thank Him for loving me enough to discipline and teach me. I will Thank Him for giving me a husband who is supportive in all I do. I will Thank Him for the promise of life with Him where there are no more worries. I will Thank Him for the freedom to express myself and not be persecuted. I will Thank Him for a family who loves me despite my faults. I will Thank Him for preparing the way for me as I go back to work and deal with what is going on. I Thank Him for the Peace of God which does guard my heart and mind forever.